In 2010, when I was still working as a nurse, I wrote a list.
Things I Learned in the ER:
1. The weirdest things fit in the weirdest places. Patient confidentiality prohibits any further detail. Use your imagination, and you still won't be able to encompass the full scope of this delightful human pastime. However, the excuses and explanations are all the same.
2. The ability to have olfactory premonition is very helpful (I would sometimes smell blood right before a trauma - independently verifiable by my former coworkers). Either I have some level of psychic gift, or I'm a vampire.
3. An artery can shoot blood all the way across a room.
4. Playing practical jokes on the doctors makes the day go by faster.
5. Surgeons don’t have the ER sense of humor.
6. People do not realize when their heart stops. If they are otherwise healthy and awake, they are incredibly surprised when I hit them in the chest, or shock them, and they yell “Ow! Hey! What’d you do THAT for?” (Well sir, your heart wasn’t beating).
7. Pain medicines do not take away all the pain; they make you not care that your leg is broken.
8. There is a light in your eyes that goes out when you die. Watching it is humbling.
9. People will accept suffering with an amazing amount of dignity and grace if they feel it is for a reason. Any reason.
10. If you tell a mother that her eighteen-year-old son is dead, you will remember her face and her name forever.
11. If you advocate for a mother to hold her seven-year-old child one more time, she will remember your face and your name forever.
Today, I want to address item #9 - "People will accept suffering with an amazing amount of dignity and grace if they feel it is for a reason. Any reason."
In other words, we want to know "WHY?"
I've never been one to accept the cultural answers of "We don't know why," or "No one can know why," or the worst, "There is no why."
Religious answers can be just as frustrating - "Only God knows why," and all the variations on that theme.
But Spiritual answers do no better when we apply the "Everything happens for a Reason," or "You chose this," to suffering and grief. YIKES!
Of all the answers, I do believe the last two are true - with qualifiers. You have to know on a Soul level what the answer is - you cannot just randomly tell people that one or both of those sayings is True, for Everyone, All of the Time - because that's not true. They are platitudes - sayings whipped out when we don't know what to say.
Some things are "meant" to happen, meaning there is a Soul Contract or agreement between parties for things to go down in a particular way or at a particular time. And then there are accidents. Every human has free will, and if you add these "rogue" elements of actions "off contract," you get a very complex thing called Life on Earth.
We do choose quite a lot of our situation. We make agreements with other Souls to experience things (loss, friction, connection) so sometimes it isn't about you. You are helping another Soul and willing to go through the things necessary for that to happen.
Imagine your Soul as this brave "Bring it on!" creature who takes on challenges in order to grow, assist, and experience. A human would never choose the loss of a child, for example, but your Soul agrees to go through it because your child's Soul wants a concentrated experience, a focus on existing joyfully and so chooses a short life. You agree to this experience as you will have a brilliantly joyful soul in your life, and her loss will bring you into closer connection with the Divine. Then you both have free will and so does everyone around you. Go.
It's all very complex - and utterly simple.
How do you find the answer to the Why in your life? Prayer (talking to God), and Meditation (listening to God) both go a long way in connecting you to your Soul and finding wisdom about your life.
The Akashic Records can show you contracts, background information, how you went about the process of planning this life, what events were accidental, and what was contracted. Your Soul Book can show you all of this because it is YOU, and you, as a Soul, understand the events and storyline of your life.
Time also allows a distance and softening of emotions so that you can look at events as they are and have fewer layers of judgment to peer through.
The question "Why?" is answered when you feel a sense of understanding, a resolution of the feeling that the answer is out there, but you aren't allowed to have it. We are all allowed to have our answers. It just takes a little asking, and looking, and listening.